What to do when you may or may not be a control freak

Excellent post from Mark Buchanan sent to me from my wife.  Great thoughts and a challenge.  This is one of those posts that I kept saying, "Ya, I can totally relate!" 

 

"Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control."  Proverbs 25:28

 

I was in a coffee shop the other day and a mom announced to her little guy – maybe 2 and a half years old – that it was time to leave.

Little Guy didn’t want to leave.

At first he ignored her, then he defied her, then he assailed her.

To her credit, she remained calm.

She spoke quietly. She stood her ground. She didn’t bargain.

In the end, magnificently composed, she carried Little Guy out the door, a wild banshee of a boy, thrashing and wailing as he went.

It got me thinking about the difference between control and self-control.

These two things – control and self-control – stand at opposite ends of the maturity spectrum.

The toddler was a live-action reel of a fierce effort to control his mother.

And he was a spectacle of immaturity.

 

The mom was a breathtaking portrait of impeccable self-control.  And she was the epitome of maturity.

Toddlers brim with the impulse to control (even as they bungle the execution). A 3-year-old will resort to wild-eyed tantrums, incessant whining, ear-piercing screams, coy manipulation, and flat-out demand to try to get their way: to control their parent, or sibling, or playmate, or the situation at hand.

But as the toddler’s attempts to control things escalate, his ability to control himself deteriorates. His need to be in control makes him more and more out-of-control. The results are not pretty.

This all looks different in adults – usually.

Of course, we’ve all met 28- or 33- or 59-year olds (sometimes in the mirror) who, in an increasingly desperate effort to control people or situations, throw tantrums, power up, make threats, emotionally blackmail, withdraw into icy silence, and so on.

But most of us, by age 19 or so, have an epiphany of sorts: that the louder we shout, the less others listen.

 

That the more we manipulate, the further others back away.

That the more we toss a fit, the more others look at us and think, “What a sad strange little man,” or, “What a drama queen.”

That's the epiphany.

But what we do with it matters a great deal. It determines whether we really grow up or not.
The truly wise become deeply humble.  They realize that the only kind of control the Bible endorses -- indeed, commands -- is self-control.

 

The New Testament has 16 separate exhortations to be self-controlled.  It's a major theme.

 

So the wise heed that, and work with the Holy Spirit to get a grip on themselves. They receive the comfort, the rebuke, the strength, and the instruction of God himself to discipline their thoughts, emotions, attitudes, and actions.

They give up trying to control others and step up being in control of themselves.

 

The lovely irony is that the self-controlled exert wide influence. People listen to them. Heed them. Seek them. Follow them.

In other words, the self-controlled accomplish the very thing the controlling desperately want but only ever sabotage.

Here’s what I’ve learned: Every impulse to seize control — is the Holy Spirit’s invitation to practice self-control.

Every nerve jolt to freak out, melt down, start yelling, fly into rage or panic is a divine cue to slow down, breathe deep, start praying, and lean into God.

Every instinct to control something is God's nudge to control myself.

 

I don’t always get it right. When I don’t, I not only lose self-control: I lose influence. I lose respect. I lose dignity.

When I do get it right, I gain all around.

Lord, help me get a grip on myself.

Peacemakers or Troublemakers?

Another home run from my dear friend and mentor, Bob Russell.  Great insight, wisdom, and encouragement here for Christians to stand firm in the truth of God.  Please read!

Blog Post #1 from Bob

The Dalai Lama is scheduled to visit Louisville, Kentucky this week.  His appearance is attracting a lot of media attention and evoking a number of thorny questions.  When considering your response to this eastern, “holy man,” take a moment to review the following information.

Who is the Dalai Lama?
He is the traditional governmental ruler and highest priest of the dominant sect of Buddhism in Tibet and Mongolia.  He is understood by Tibetans to be the essence of perfect knowledge and compassion.  Though not a perfect analogy, we might say what the Pope is to Roman Catholics the Dalai Lama is to the Buddhist religion.

What is the Buddhist religion about?
Buddhism was founded by Siddhartha Gautama who is estimated to have lived from 566-480 B.C.  It’s reported that Gautama renounced his princely title and became a monk, depriving himself of worldly possessions in the hope of comprehending the reason for suffering and the truth about the world around him.  He maintained that the culmination of his search came while meditating beneath a tree, where he finally understood how to be free from suffering, and ultimately, to experience nirvana.  Nirvana is a transcendent state in which there is neither suffering, desire, nor sense of self, and represents the final goal of Buddhism.

Following this epiphany, Gautama was known as the Buddha, meaning the “Enlightened One.” The Buddha spent the remainder of his life journeying about India, teaching others what he had come to understand.

What is the difference between the beliefs of Christianity and Buddhism?

Buddhism		Christianity
There is no creator (Buddhism is non-theistic.)		“in the beginning God created the Heavens and the earth”  (Gen. 1:1)
Man has no soul		“What can a man give in exchangefor his soul?” (Matt. 16:26)
There’s no need of a Savior		“All have sinned” (Rom. 3:23)“the wages of sin is death”  (Rom. 6:23)“How shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation?” (Heb. 2:3)
There is no heaven  (cycle of rebirth involving karma)		“I go to prepare a place for you” (John 14:3)
Truth is discovered through Human meditation		“The foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom”  (1 Cor. 1:25)
The purpose of life is nirvana – personal happiness		“Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God” (John 17:3)
Personal goal – Self realization		“Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it” (Matt. 16:25)

What did Jesus say about other religions?
“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)
“Watch out for false prophets.  They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.”   (Matthew 7:15)

“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.” (John 3:17-18)

*For a more in-depth comparison chart explaining some beliefs and practices of Tibetan Buddhism go to www.WOTNODYfiles.com. Under Tibetan Buddhism on the first page, click on “Compare.”

Blog Post #2 from Bob

A few readers posted objections to last week’s blog that contrasted the beliefs of Buddhism with Christianity. Since the Dalai Lama was in town, one man suggested it was, “not very welcoming to our city” and “flame-throwing” to even bring up the subject.

A couple of weeks ago, I was a guest speaker at an event that was intended to encourage Christian educators to find ways to share Biblical truth in their schools. Some in the community immediately protested that the seminar was inappropriate because it violated the separation of church and state. As a result of opposition, many Christian teachers choose to keep their convictions to themselves rather than stir up controversy. They don’t want to cause trouble.

Since Jesus said, ‘Blessed are the peace-makers”, some think followers of Christ should always bend over backward to avoid disagreement. Since our culture has become increasingly anti-Christian, it’s suggested we ought to be more discreet about our beliefs so the world doesn’t despise us even more. Why agitate the bully?

I’m not surprised when the world objects to what Christians believe. Jesus warned that carnal men would reject the truth because they love darkness rather than light. What does surprise and disappoint me is that some who claim to follow Christ are so fearful of the world’s disapproval that they allow tolerance to trump truth. It seems they mistakenly regard Christianity as just another system of moral guidelines instead of the worship of the person of Jesus Christ.

Truth matters! If a sign says, “Bridge out- stop!” it matters whether it’s true or not. If I dial a ten-digit phone number, it matters if I get one number wrong. If I cash a check at the bank it matters that the decimal is in the right place. Jesus made it clear that our belief in Him really mattered. He said, “I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me”.

The same Jesus who said, “Blessed are the peacemakers” also said, “I did not come to bring peace but a sword” and that he would set brother against brother and parent against child. He said, “If the world hates me don’t be surprised if it hates you.” The peacemakers Jesus promised to bless were not those who ran from conflict, but those who courageously brought reconciliation between a sinful man and a holy God through the proclamation of the gospel. Without Jesus there is no peace.

Jesus also said, ‘Blessed are you when men persecute you, revile you and say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my name’s sake. Rejoice and be glad for in the same way they treated the prophets.”

The prophet Elijah was called a, “troubler” by King Ahab because he insisted the three year famine in Israel was God’s judgment on the nation for its sin.

John the Baptist was accused of being a troublemaker because he publicly criticized King Herod for living with his brother’s wife. John was so intolerant and outspoken about evil that he got arrested and beheaded.

The Apostle Paul was often accused of being a troublemaker. In his sermon on Mar’s Hill he contrasted the Athenian belief in many gods with the Christian faith that there is one true God, “…who made the world and everything in it.” Everywhere Paul went he caused a revival or a riot – sometimes both. But he endured threats and imprisonment because a few responded positively and were saved.

It was said of the first-century Christians “These men who have caused trouble all over the world have come here”. (Acts 17:6) The early Christians weren’t despised because they believed Jesus was God. The Romans tolerated many deities -one more wouldn’t have mattered. The early Christians were arrested, tortured and sometimes set aflame on crosses because they insisted that Jesus was THE ONLY God. That was too exclusive – and it caused big trouble.

Those who follow Christ today are not commissioned to, “go into all the world and preach that Jesus offers a good example of compassionate behavior – one of the many equally valid belief systems.” No. We are commissioned to, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel. He who believes and is baptized shall be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.” (Mark 16:16)

Since our secular culture is becoming increasingly hostile to all truth-claims, believers are going to have to “toughen up” to survive. Instead of manufacturing a make-believe, wimpy, effete Jesus that is just a figment of our imagination so we can be accepted by the world, examine the Scriptures and note the claims of the real Jesus. He claimed that God created the world. He claimed to be God in the flesh. He claimed to be the only way to salvation. He claimed to have conquered death. He claimed to be the source of eternal life. He claimed the Bible is true. He claimed marriage is between a man and a woman. He claimed false teachers should be identified and opposed. He claimed we could be saved through trusting Him – not by our good works.

Those claims sounded outrageous and troublesome to Jesus’ religious contemporaries who were attempting to pacify the Roman authorities and avoid conflict. So they conspired to have Jesus crucified, “…lest we lose our place and this nation”.

There’s a difference between being a peacemaker and an appeaser. And there’s a difference between being a troublemaker and an agitator. Christian evangelism should attempt to, “make the teaching about God, our Savior attractive” and not deliberately antagonize.

However, we can’t water down the truth just to avoid controversy either. We can’t pretend Christianity is just one of a number of good religions and leave the impression that maybe they can all be blended together. Our goal should be to speak the truth in love. If some label us, “troublemakers” because of that, we are in pretty good company.

The First Thanksgiving - A Reason to Complain

Great thought from my friend and mentor, Bob Russell. 

http://www.bobrussell.org/2012/11/18/the-first-thanksgiving-a-reason-to-complain/

Post Election Thoughts

Here are some thoughts from Bob Russell about the election.  Good stuff!

Giving Thanks In The Wake Of The Election

Written on November 8, 2012

Obviously, I’m very disappointed in the results of Tuesday’s election. Some saw the election as a battle between Republicans and Democrats. Others viewed it as a contest between blacks and whites or rich and poor. I didn’t. From my perspective the spiritual issues were clearly defined and, in the end, the majority of Americans voted against life, marriage, freedom, Israel and fiscal responsibility. The people of three states approved gay marriage. Two states voted to legalize marijuana.
I’m tempted to be depressed and whine about all that’s wrong with this country. Martin Luther once said when he was angry he preached better. That’s not true with me. When I’m angry or depressed I overstate my case and wind up later apologizing for saying foolish things. Yesterday I wrote a negative harangue titled, “America is terminally ill.” I didn’t post it and today I’m glad I didn’t.
I am commanded in Scripture to, “…give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thess. 5:18). So today, two days after the election, two weeks before Thanksgiving, I’d like to list some things I’m thankful for.
I’m thankful the election is over. No more negative ads. No more false accusations and grossly exaggerated claims. Yea!
I’m thankful that I live in Kentucky. I’ve never been prouder of my adopted state. Over 60% showed some common sense.
I’m thankful I don’t live in Ohio or Florida. Some of my preacher friends living in one of those two swing states (my son included) are frustrated that the thousands of churches in their state didn’t make more of a difference. Those preachers are asking if they did enough.
I’m thankful I don’t live in Washington State. Two friends of ours were visiting from Seattle this past weekend. They lamented that they were going back to a state that had approved gay marriage and legalized marijuana. They asked, ‘How would you like to raise your children in that kind of liberal environment?”
I’m thankful for bold preachers who took a strong stand. A number of ministers retreated from the fight. But some very influential ministers with national ministries and others who preach in small country churches were perceptive enough to understand the battle and took a strong, courageous stand in this election. They took some heat but I’m confident the Lord will say, “Well done, good and faithful servant”.
I’m thankful my prayers have been answered according to God’s will. My prayers weren’t answered according to my will but I always pray the words of Jesus, “Not my will but yours be done.” Most political analysts are convinced the timing of Hurricane Sandy helped sway the country toward re-electing the President. I’m going to accept that as God’s will.
I’m thankful that God’s justice prevails in His time. Maybe The Lord’s will is best understood according to Psalm 81:11-12 “But my people would not listen to me; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devises.”
You know the result of Israel’s spiritual rebellion. The nation was soon divided, then overrun by the Babylonians and the people were taken into captivity. Maybe God is allowing us to follow our evil devises to our own detriment. A.W. Tozer wrote, “The wheels of God’s justice grind slowly; but they grind exceedingly fine.”
I’m thankful I don’t have to justify having a Mormon in the White House for the next four years. I didn’t like our choices this past election. I believe Mormonism is a false teaching. It would have been difficult to support a president while explaining the errors of his Mormon religion for the next four years.
I’m thankful that a president can just serve just two terms. Our president has made it clear that his goal is to, “fundamentally transform America.” It’s obvious that his vision for our country is to move toward socialism and a more powerful government. That is not what our Founding Fathers had in mind and not what I want to see happen. I’m thankful a President can serve only eight years.
I’m thankful for our founding Fathers who set up a system of checks and balances. As powerful as the President is He isn’t a king. He isn’t a dictator. His powers are limited by the congress and Supreme Court. The liberal press is pushing hard for “Bipartisanship,” which in their definition usually means, “give in and let the president have his way.” The writers of the constitution sought to restrict power by creating three equal branches of government.
I’m thankful that my hope is not in the United States of America. I believe that America is very sick, maybe even terminally ill. Every nation in history has had a shelf life. I think we are fading fast. But my hope is not in this country but, “On Christ the Solid Rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand.”
I’m thankful that I’ve been privileged to live in a wonderful period of our nation’s history. I’m almost 70 years old. I’ve seen so many incredible inventions and witnessed so many great accomplishments. America has been the most prosperous, the most “free,” and the most magnanimous nation in the history of the world. And I got to be a part of it.
I’m thankful for my family. I’m so thankful for my wife, my sons, my daughters in law and my seven grandchildren, all of whom know the Lord.
I’m thankful for the permanency of the church. Jesus said, “I will build my church and the gates of hades will not overcome it.” Nations come and go but the church still stands.
I’m thankful that Jesus is going to return soon. The Bible says when the Lord returns every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. When that day comes, I’ll be on my knees acknowledging that Jesus is King of Kings. So will Michael Moore, Bill Maher, John Stewart, Barbara Streisand, Whoopee Goldberg, Rachel Maddow, Chris Matthews” and any who sneer at God’s truth – all will be humbly acknowledging that Jesus is Lord. Even so, Lord Jesus, come quickly.
I’m thankful for the hope of heaven. I’ve been reminded again to fix my affections on the things above and not on earthly things.
I’m thankful God is patient and full of mercy. He can still forgive our rebellion and immorality. While Psalm 81:11-12 warns that God releases people to the consequences of their own evil desires, the next two verses promise, “If my people would but listen to me, if Israel would follow my ways, how quickly I would subdue their enemies and turn my hand against their foes!” (Psalm 80:13-14). A miracle-working God is patiently waiting for His people to repent.
I’m thankful for this day. “This is day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.” We have this day to live in freedom. We have this day to honor the Lord Jesus Christ. Let’s make the most of it.

Should Christians Care About The Upcoming Election?

Wanted to share this from Bob Russell.  This is an important issue for many Christians.  Please read and consider.  May God guide us all.

Imagine you and your family are aboard a cruise ship sailing from Alaska to Vancouver. There is serious trouble on board. Valuables have been stolen. Several children have been molested. Two young girls are missing. Obviously some foul characters are circulating among you.

You register a complaint with the ship’s head of security and demand an immediate investigation. What if he flippantly responds, “It doesn’t really matter, you’re going to be docking in Vancouver and flying home in a few days”? That’s true, but the next three days are crucial to you and your family. You have an obligation to protect your wife and three children. You don’t want them to experience terror or be thrown overboard! You want the very best investigator to be appointed so that corrective action is taken quickly and your family can be secure and enjoy the remaining days of the cruise.

I’ve encountered an increasing number of well-meaning Christians who display an indifferent attitude toward American politics. “I may not even vote this year,” one disgusted seventy-year-old minister grumbled. “All politicians are crooked!” He argued that we shouldn’t be too concerned about who wins the upcoming election because politics is dirty business. After all, he insisted, God is in charge and He will accomplish His will regardless of who is in the White House.

The implication is that if you are deeply concerned about the election, you’re not really trusting God. Christians should have their focus on Jesus and be above politics. If you get hyped up about what’s going on in government you’re lacking faith because the Kingdom of God will be ushered in soon and Jesus will reign as King of Kings and all this won’t matter.

That view takes the doctrine of predestination to the extreme. While it’s true that God’s will always prevails – righteousness always wins in the end and evil is always defeated – it is hyper-Calvinism to imply that human decisions don’t matter in the interim. We are not puppets on a string. Sin is not programmed by God. Mistakes matter. Governments matter, leadership matters, decisions matter, wise choices matter. Solomon wrote, “When the righteous thrive the people rejoice, when the wicked rule, the people groan” (Prov. 29:2).

When Christian leaders condescendingly imply, “The election doesn’t really matter, after all God is in charge and He is going to accomplish His will regardless,” ask them if they would have the same attitude if they are shortchanged at the bank or if a schoolteacher mistreats their child. Those are minor irritations in the big scheme of things but they matter to you in the course of daily living. And they matter to God who notices when a sparrow falls.
Does it matter who leads the country?

Ask the prophet Samuel if it mattered to God which son of Jesse was anointed King. Samuel didn’t tell Jesse, “It doesn’t matter which of your sons we select. The oldest is an impressive physical specimen, he’ll do. God is more powerful than any king; He will accomplish His will regardless.” No, Samuel rejected Jesse’s seven oldest sons and insisted on bringing young David in from the pasture.

Ask the residents of Jerusalem in 70 AD if governments matter. When the Roman hordes burned their homes, confiscated their property, raped their women, kidnapped their children and murdered their babies no one in Jerusalem concluded it didn’t matter because one day the Messiah was going to return.

Ask Dietrich Bonhoeffer if elections matter. Bonhoeffer didn’t conclude, “It doesn’t matter if Hitler rules, God will see to it that he’s punished.” Bonhoeffer openly opposed the Fuhrer and conducted clandestine seminaries, because he understood as a Christian he had a responsibility to oppose evil and stand for truth. That stance cost Deitrich Bonhoeffer his life. Hitler was eventually defeated, but had more German believers been as courageous as Bonhoeffer, World War II might have been avoided and 55 million lives spared.

I visited Seoul, South Korea three years ago. While I was there I dialogued with a North Korean pastor who lamented the stark contrast between the two countries. South Korea is prosperous, bustling, growing. North Korea is poverty stricken, repressive and filled with terror for its citizens. In South Korea, Christianity is thriving. But religion of any kind is almost non-existent in North Korea, having been suppressed by an atheistic government.

Those two countries are in the same geographical area and the people speak the same language and experience similar climates. What’s the difference? One is ruled by an atheistic dictator, the other is a functioning democracy. Governments make a difference in the expansion of the Kingdom of God.
Do elections matter? Ask a number of respected evangelicals like Billy Graham, Al Mohler, Tony Evans, John McCarthur and others have taken a strong stand for what they call the primary issues that affect Bible-believing Christians: the right to life, the sacredness of marriage and the protection of religious freedom.

What do you think will happen to churches, parachurch organizations and Christian families in America if we continue down the present path of expanding abortion rights, endorsing gay marriage, overriding religious freedoms, mocking Biblical truth and calling darkness light and light darkness? God warns, “The wicked will be cast into the grave and all nations that forget God.”
Charles Colson was right when he said, “Our ultimate hope won’t come riding in on Air Force One.” America needs a lot more than a president who will stand for Biblical values. We need a spiritual revival at the core. However, one indication that followers of Christ are serious about their faith is an understanding that Jesus is Lord over every facet of our lives – including the way we vote, because elections have serious consequences. They matter.

Wayne Gruden, Theology Professor at Phoenix Seminary, recently released a book entitled, Voting as a Christian – The Social Issues. Gruden lists five erroneous views of the Christian’s role in politics and then suggests our view should be “significant Christian influence.” This view says that Christians should seek to influence civil government according to God’s moral stands and God’s purposes for government as revealed in the Bible. But while Christians exercise this influence, they must “simultaneously insist on protecting freedom of religion for all citizens.”

President Theodore Roosevelt wrote, “… freedom is not a gift that tarries long in the hands of cowards: nor yet does it tarry long in the hands of the sluggard and the idler, in the hands of the man so much absorbed in the pursuit of pleasure or in the pursuit of gain, or so much wrapped up in his own easy home life as to be unable to take his part in the rough struggle with his fellow men for political supremacy,” He warned, “The people who say that they have not time to attend to politics are simply saying that they are unfit to live in a free community. Their place is under a despotism.”

(For the full text of President Theodore Roosevelt’s speech, see “The Duties of 
American Citizenship” at PBS.org)