Traits of a Real Friend

Amy and I got to go on Bob Russell's couples mentoring retreat last week and were so blessed by the week away. As we "break" from the church and the ministry we find our spirits encouraged and refreshed and our vision renewed. It's good to get away and get some perspective on ministry. One of the things that I've known for a long time but that surfaced again at the retreat was that Christians, and maybe especially Christian leaders, need some real friends in their life. We need people that we can be real with and "let it all hang out". We also need these friends to tell us the truth about ourselves and to encourage us with understanding and love.

Here are 4 traits needed in a real friend: (from Solomon and his wisdom in Proverbs)

1) A real friend will always tell you to truth. (Proverbs 27:6) Even if they think it will hurt you, a true friend let's you know how things really are. No fluffing it. They bring reality to light. Every person needs that. Do you have someone who will tell you the absolute truth?

2) A real friend will stick with you through the good, the bad, and the ugly. (Proverbs 17:17) Yes, there may be times of disappointment and roughness in your relationship, but a true friend sticks with you. You know that they have your back no matter what and that they will always be there. We all need that and desire that, right?

3) A real friend shares your same values and connects with you deeply. (Proverbs 18:24) Your real friends will share your values. You will also be able to talk to them on a deep level. There are 5 levels of communication: cliches (how are you? fine.), facts, opinions, feelings, needs. A real friend is someone who you will allow to know your opinions, feelings, and needs. You may be in denial about it, but I believe every person needs at least one real friend to connect with on a deep level.

4) A real friend will help you with difficult decisions. (Proverbs 27:9) Godly counsel from a good, trusted friend is worth so much when you are facing a tough decision. So many times we choose the quick, easy, less painful way than the right way that God desires. A real friend will help you make the right choices and walk you through them.

If you are reading this and thinking, "I have no one in my life like this," then find someone. Open yourself up to a Christian brother or sister and grow into a real friendship.

There was a man who came to me at one time who was in a lot of trouble. The law was involved and it was one of those cases that if he made one more mistake, then he was going to have to do jail time. In describing his "friends" to me, I realized that this man had no friends at all. I painted a picture of what a true friend looked like and asked him if there was anyone in his life like that. He said no, not really. He went onto say, "If I had someone like that in my life, I don't think I'd be in so much trouble." Very true. Remember, bad company corrupts good character. (1 Corinthians 15:33)