It's Not About the Cookies

The couple was near the cookies, in the snack aisle.  The tension was thick between them as I saw the man put the cookies back on the shelf.  Their body language was stiff, angry.

“Fine.  Just go ahead and get them,” she said impatiently.

They were young, maybe mid-twenties.  Clearly not wealthy, but not below the poverty-line either.  Their cart had mostly necessities.  But, he had a hunger for something sweet.  She probably manages their budget.

$2.98.  Not very much in the grand scheme of things.  But, when things are tight a few dollars can make all the difference.

He pushed the cart, without the cookies, on down the aisle, while she stood near them, waiting for him to comply, with her arms demonstrating frustration.  She doesn’t want to be the miser, but someone has to pay attention to the finances.

Nobody really wants to wage a war over cookies.  And, of course, it’s not about the cookies.  It’s about mounting financial pressure.  It’s about fear of the unknown.  Maybe it’s about not being on the same page when it comes to running their household.  Maybe it’s about her Mom and the looming visit.  Maybe it’s about his incorrigible boss and the pressure he lives under every day.

We don’t really know exactly what’s going on beneath the surface.  But we do know that our day can turn on a dime over cookies.  We can say things we don’t mean and give dreadful looks that are impossible to take back.  We can build prideful walls that are terribly difficult to dismantle.  We can end up pushing the people we love further away from us.

I wanted to follow them the rest of their shopping trip.  To see how they navigated the rest of their purchases.  I wanted to sit in the back seat of their car, after they got the groceries loaded up, and listen as they sorted out the cookie decision (I know, creepy).  I imagined that they took a few minutes to talk about why the tension rose so quickly over something so insignificant.  I wonder if they listened closely to each other and reached a new level of understanding.  I wonder if they gently helped each other uncover the layers.

“You know, I feel like I am going to buckle under the pressure of our monthly bills.”

“I feel like I am a horrible provider.  Seriously, we can’t even afford Oreos.”

I hope that happened.  But, I’ve lived long enough to know that the couple may have simply moved on without ever really understanding that it wasn’t really about the cookies.

Received this from a friend via email.  Good stuff.  I believe it originated from a pastor's blog in Colorado.  Have you ever had this same experience and wondered what the rest of the story would be?  Me too.  Wish I could help this young couple.